Longing

 

What do you long for?

Spend a few moments and ask yourself that question. Allow your mind to just free flow and then write down everything that comes to your mind.

Now ask yourself this very important question, “What is the consequence of my longing?”

Many years ago Thoreau said, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with their song still in them.” Recently I was sitting on my home’s front porch overlooking a beautiful valley when I became acutely aware of a deep sense of longing within me. As I sat observing this longing I wondered where it came from because I lacked for nothing. As I observed it I recognized how “long” it had been with me. As I reflected, I could not remember a time when that shadow of longing had not been with me. I know there were times when I was not consciously aware of it but I knew I didn’t have to look very far to find it again. So what was this thing I sensed as longing? Every human being comes into the world through a connection, a sperm and an egg come together to form a zygote; that cell divides 52 times and become us in all of our miraculous complexity. We only stay viable because we have a connection to a host that allows us to survive and thrive. This deep need for a connection is imprinted upon our hearts, minds, and bodies. This imprint occurs at a time when we are vulnerable to all external stimulus. The new being is totally dependent upon the external environment for survival. The inner vulnerability calls for nurturing and attention from the outside world to insure its survival.

This instinctual need is felt by the adult and longing for something outside the self to complete us. The irony is that as we have grown we develop life strategy skills that enable us to meet our own survival needs. However, the longing to be connected and nurtured by another or something outside ourselves is still there locked deep in the interior of the unconscious. Feeling a sense of something missing often causes an existential unrest. People who experience this “longing” often start searching for something to complete them. The positive side of this searching is that people often create new and innovative products that might improve the quality of life. New frontiers are explored because people feel this deep need to discover something more “out there.”

The downside of this longing is that people often turn to things that mask the longing but have disastrous side effects. Addictive behaviors are an example of meeting this longing in a way that does not ultimately benefit anyone.

There are many, as Thoreau said, “who lead lives of quiet desperation.” That is, they long for something they either cannot create or are unwilling to risk creating something different. “Wanting” the “thing”, but never doing anything about it is what creates the desperation. It really isn’t the “not having” that creates the problem, but the “longing” for the thing not created that causes such deep suffering.

When we recognize that the source of our suffering is not in our immediate environment we can relax into the perfection of the moment. If the “lack” is immediate, that is, it is something we need, we must move to create it.

Sometimes it takes great courage to move out of a place that is familiar. Many times I have heard of circumstances that are very painful and yet people stay in them. It is not comfortable but it is familiar and seemingly requires no risk. In this case the greater risk is to do nothing.

Some time ago a client in the support group I facilitate for people with cancer, brought this wonderful poem in:

Come to the Edge

Life said.

We are afraid.

Come to the Edge.

Life said.

They came.

It pushed them . . .

And

They

Flew

                                                                                            - Guillaume Apolknaire 

When people are militant in their healing journey, they don’t seem to mind flying. They truly sing their song and their song blesses the world.