Addictive behaviors are self-nurturing behaviors gone awry.
There has been so much written about the dangers of addictions. The word addiction is used by many to describe behaviors of which a person believes they have no control. There are those who say that addictions are a disease of the brain, while there are those who contend just as strongly that addictions are the lack of will as a moral compass.
It is not my intent in this writing to debate or even examine the many debates as to what addiction is or isn’t. My intent is to examine briefly the purpose of addictions. I am making the assumption that all behaviors are purposeful. That is, if it exists it has some purpose. In the last writing we briefly discussed the consequence of not loving or nurturing self. The purpose of all addictions is to nurture the self, to reduce some inner angst that seems so inherently uncomfortable. This inner discomfort when relieved automatically becomes a behavior we want to replicate. In other words, addictive behaviors initially bring relief from some inner discomfort. Oftentimes it not only brings relief, but it also produces a sensation of pleasure and comfort. Oftentimes this experience gives one a sense of well-being, a sense of completeness. Anyone who has struggled with addictions knows this sense is fleeting and leaves us feeling more uncomfortable and vulnerable than before. The ego brain then sets out on a journey to find relief from the discomfort and ends up returning to the same behavior that gave relief the first time. People do addictive behaviors to improve the quality of their lives. And quite frequently it works, at least temporarily, then leaves them with less quality and more guilt and shame. Remember that shame is that deeply felt sense that “I am inherently flawed,” that not only did I make a mistake, but “I am a mistake.”
There has been so much written about the dangers of addictions. The word addiction is used by many to describe behaviors of which a person believes they have no control. There are those who say that addictions are a disease of the brain, while there are those who contend just as strongly that addictions are the lack of will as a moral compass.
It is not my intent in this writing to debate or even examine the many debates as to what addiction is or isn’t. My intent is to examine briefly the purpose of addictions. I am making the assumption that all behaviors are purposeful. That is, if it exists it has some purpose. In the last writing we briefly discussed the consequence of not loving or nurturing self. The purpose of all addictions is to nurture the self, to reduce some inner angst that seems so inherently uncomfortable. This inner discomfort when relieved automatically becomes a behavior we want to replicate. In other words, addictive behaviors initially bring relief from some inner discomfort. Oftentimes it not only brings relief, but it also produces a sensation of pleasure and comfort. Oftentimes this experience gives one a sense of well-being, a sense of completeness. Anyone who has struggled with addictions knows this sense is fleeting and leaves us feeling more uncomfortable and vulnerable than before. The ego brain then sets out on a journey to find relief from the discomfort and ends up returning to the same behavior that gave relief the first time. People do addictive behaviors to improve the quality of their lives. And quite frequently it works, at least temporarily, then leaves them with less quality and more guilt and shame. Remember that shame is that deeply felt sense that “I am inherently flawed,” that not only did I make a mistake, but “I am a mistake.”
We are socialized very early in our lives that mistakes are not okay and that if I make a mistake I am less than acceptable. Being less than acceptable means that I am not approved of, therefore not loveable. Being unloved is probably the most existentially painful experience anyone can have, often people do not survive that experience.
The root of all addiction is in the lack of self-love. Addictive behavior is the illusion of giving yourself love. This illusion leaves us feeling less than acceptable or loveable. At this stage we begin the cycle all over, anxious – addictive behavior, relief – guilt, shame, rejection of self – each cycle seems to deepen our despair.
Addiction is nothing more than giving your personal power away to something that has no innate life energy, which leaves the individual feeling “less than,” with a sense of shame. It is not the substance or thing that is the problem, it is our relationship with the substance or thing that is the problem! This relationship at some time brought us comfort and pleasure. Much like Linus and his blanket, we get comfort from the external thing. Eventually, it creates a great many problems especially as we are forced to choose between conflicting wants and desires. Linus believes he needs his blanket, others ridicule him for it – these people are the ones he wants to be accepted by. He is forced to make a choice. The choice will bring him pain either way. However, one pain will be for his continued transformation and growth, the other pain will keep him stuck in a pattern that impedes his growth.
Is there such a thing as a healthy addiction? If I am addicted to working out or exercise? What if I am addicted to meditation or walking? What if I am addicted to work or religion? There are healthy routines and healthy habits. The key is honestly asking the question of yourself, “Am I free to choose?” If one has given up their power to choose then one has lost part of themselves.
The root of all addiction is in the lack of self-love. Addictive behavior is the illusion of giving yourself love. This illusion leaves us feeling less than acceptable or loveable. At this stage we begin the cycle all over, anxious – addictive behavior, relief – guilt, shame, rejection of self – each cycle seems to deepen our despair.
Addiction is nothing more than giving your personal power away to something that has no innate life energy, which leaves the individual feeling “less than,” with a sense of shame. It is not the substance or thing that is the problem, it is our relationship with the substance or thing that is the problem! This relationship at some time brought us comfort and pleasure. Much like Linus and his blanket, we get comfort from the external thing. Eventually, it creates a great many problems especially as we are forced to choose between conflicting wants and desires. Linus believes he needs his blanket, others ridicule him for it – these people are the ones he wants to be accepted by. He is forced to make a choice. The choice will bring him pain either way. However, one pain will be for his continued transformation and growth, the other pain will keep him stuck in a pattern that impedes his growth.
Is there such a thing as a healthy addiction? If I am addicted to working out or exercise? What if I am addicted to meditation or walking? What if I am addicted to work or religion? There are healthy routines and healthy habits. The key is honestly asking the question of yourself, “Am I free to choose?” If one has given up their power to choose then one has lost part of themselves.
Letting go of an addictive behavior will always bring a type of suffering. Our bodies and our minds have normalized that behavior. A new routine or pattern is always difficult to develop. However, this kind of suffering is what I call “legitimate” suffering. It creates new growth. Any addictive behavior inhibits the natural process of nature which is to grow and mature. Healing addictive behavior requires that we learn ways of nurturing ourselves that do not require us to give up our soul. No one has ever heals an addictive behavior by hating it or the self. It requires that we see the addiction for what it is and make a choice. It often requires us to have a shift in our level of consciousness, not easy, but always possible. It is always a process and there are many modalities of healing. Find and select one that fits your unique situation.Select a spiritual ritual that has no negative side effects and practice every day. This healing ritual will start the process of rewiring the neural pathways in your brain. The ancients knew of the powerful influence of rituals on the human psyche, changing the brain and the consciousness of the mind is a necessary part of the healing process. Rituals will aid you in that process.
Blessings to you on your healing journey.
