This morning my thoughts along with the rest of
the nation are on the unthinkable of human behavior. How can this kind
of behavior happen in our family, community, state, or country? I am not
going to attempt to answer that question because it is too complex for a
short treatise. I am going to say that even if one were to answer it,
it would not reduce the grief and sorrow of people who have intimately
experienced the tragic event. I am so opposed to people asking the “why”
question in the context of giving some explanation to insanity and
evil. It makes no sense to us and when things don’t make sense the human
mind becomes even more agitated. What does make sense is to ask “what”
questions. Questions that may have an answer that will move us forward
to healing. Nothing will change the pain and sorrow of those families
except time and perspective. Of the two, perspective is by far the most
important.
People are asking, "what can I tell my child about this tragic
event." I believe the best thing parents can do to help their children
is to ask the child what they think they should do when very bad
things happen to very good people. By doing this parents stay with the
child’s perspective. Keep in mind that children see the world much
differently than adults, so they process differently. Out of the mouths
of babes great wisdom will flow. It will let the parent know where the
child is and it also empowers the child to aid in their own healing. It
is the parents job to create a safe space for the child to have
whatever experience they are having without fear of disapproval and fear
of rejection or being shamed for their experience. When people are
engaged in their own solutions they are more likely to feel empowered.
In the case of children, parents will assess the workability of any given
solutions and help the child reality test the suggestion. Correct
distortions with love and empathy.
As in
nature, there are some events that change the landscape forever. It
sometimes can take many years for the wound to heal and there are always scares. I
have always wondered what kind of tragedy it would take in order for us
to come together as a nation to heal the differences that seem so easily
beset us. As I watched as people from all faiths put their ego
differences aside to show unity and harmony I felt such joy. It is
possible to do, so why don’t we do it without the tragedy? It seems to
take tragedy to bring us to our vulnerability. We all seem to have the
illusion that we are not vulnerable. If there is anything that destroys
the illusion of not being vulnerable it is the events of the past week.
We must accept the reality of our vulnerability. It is through this
acceptance that we can give love and accept love. It allows us to know
without doubt that we are all on this planet together and that our
actions have impacts upon us all. It allows empathy and compassion to
guide our behaviors. Without empathy and compassion others become
objects to act upon as our minds may dictate. In extreme circumstance
the kind of tragedy of the past week occurs. There are many forces in
our culture that are creating this unfortunate phenomenon. Please folks
use the events of this past weekend to be a wake up call.
