Helping Our Children Heal: Reflecting on Newtown

This morning my thoughts along with the rest of the nation are on the unthinkable of human behavior. How can this kind of behavior happen in our family, community, state, or country? I am not going to attempt to answer that question because it is too complex for a short treatise. I am going to say that even if one were to answer it, it would not reduce the grief and sorrow of people who have intimately experienced the tragic event. I am so opposed to people asking the “why” question in the context of giving some explanation to insanity and evil. It makes no sense to us and when things don’t make sense the human mind becomes even more agitated. What does make sense is to ask “what” questions. Questions that may have an answer that will move us forward to healing.  Nothing will change the pain and sorrow of those families except time and perspective. Of the two, perspective is by far the most important. 

People are asking, "what can I tell my child about this tragic event." I believe the best thing parents can do to help their children is to ask the child what they think they should do when very bad things happen to very good people. By doing this parents stay with the child’s perspective. Keep in mind that children see the world much differently than adults, so they process differently. Out of the mouths of babes great wisdom will flow. It will let the parent know where the child is and it also empowers the child to aid in their own healing. It is the parents job to create a safe space for the child to have whatever experience they are having without fear of disapproval and fear of rejection or being shamed for their experience. When people are engaged in their own solutions they are more likely to feel empowered. In the case of children, parents will assess the workability of any given solutions and help the child reality test the suggestion. Correct distortions with love and empathy.

As in nature, there are some events that change the landscape forever. It sometimes can take many years for the wound to heal and there are always scares. I have always wondered what kind of tragedy it would take in order for us to come together as a nation to heal the differences that seem so easily beset us. As I watched as people from all faiths put their ego differences aside to show unity and harmony I felt such joy. It is possible to do, so why don’t we do it without the tragedy? It seems to take tragedy to bring us to our vulnerability. We all seem to have the illusion that we are not vulnerable. If there is anything that destroys the illusion of not being vulnerable it is the events of the past week. We must accept the reality of our vulnerability. It is through this acceptance that we can give love and accept love.  It allows us to know without doubt that we are all on this planet together and that our actions have impacts upon us all. It allows empathy and compassion to guide our behaviors. Without empathy and compassion others become objects to act upon as our minds may dictate. In extreme circumstance the kind of tragedy of the past week occurs. There are many forces in our culture that are creating this unfortunate phenomenon.  Please folks use the events of this past weekend to be a wake up call.

The Greatest Power On Earth

What is the greatest power on earth? 

One cannot see it, cannot measure it, cannot taste, cannot touch it, cannot see it and cannot hear it. It controls forces that move mountains, destroys peace and harmony, gives peace and harmony, it divides nations, states and communities. It injures families. It heals families. It can destroy the relationship with yourself, it can heal your relationship with yourself. When lost feels intolerable, when found gives peace - if it has peace with itself. It never turns off but can be stilled, can be aware of itself but most often goes unaware of itself creating havoc and pain for many including itself. It controls hate, fear, anger, guilt and shame. It is influenced by rhythms and cycles of nature but often is unaware of those cycles. It is influenced by light and dark. It wants pleasure more than pain but it is often the painful things that give it the most growth and satisfaction. Constant pleasure will drive it to insanity. It is often inflexible but when changed, changes the world. It is often hurt by nothing, in fact cannot tolerate nothing so makes nothing something. It has never been defined in its full context yet everyone knows exactly what it is. It creates laughter, tears, joy and pain. It can hold a conversation with the body that results in death or life.  It can hold a conversation with God and yet cannot comprehend God, but it can know God. It can enslave itself and yet it can free itself. It can make freedom frightening and slavery tolerable and safe.

What am I????

Life Examined Part Two

Examining self requires that we take some time in our busy world of doing, to just be for a moment. That requires a strategy for quieting the analytical, judgmental mind and become the observer of the mind. In the Gospel of Thomas, we read, “Jesus said, ‘If you bring forth what is within you, what you have will save you. If you do not have that within you, what you do not have within you [will] kill you.’” vs 70 (1). When we bring forth that intelligence that is within us, which is put there by our very nature, we will realize that we are part of a larger intelligence that must be recognized and acknowledged. We are all in relationships in which we must acknowledge our dependence on one another. We also must acknowledge that our thoughts and actions have tremendous consequences on all things around us. Everything matters, there is nothing on this planet that does not have purpose, therefore matters. Failing to recognize this will in fact “kill us”.

From ego, this perspective is extremely difficult to recognize or experience. When one has a transcendent peace, or waking experience one can only conclude that it is true.
           
Working with many people who have come face to face with their mortality has taught me that higher consciousness often accompanies the failure of our temporal knowledge. As one detaches from ego function, that is the things that can be taken from us, one is left with that which is “within us”. We see examples of this when people lose everything materialistic and yet somehow find a quiet peace and gratitude. I have experienced people losing parts and function of their bodies, have lost loved ones, have lost property and yet have transcendent peace. This peace is not a product of ego function (attachment) but it is a knowing, which knowing comes from inner awareness or stillness. This can only come from the journey inward. 

 (1) The ‘scholars’ translation of the Gospel of Thomas by Stephen Patterson and Marvin

Life Examined

Socrates was known to have said, “A life unexamined is not worth living.”

When I first read that statement I found it to be quite harsh. As I have traveled further along life’s path I see the wisdom in his statement.

We are the only species on the planet that I know of that can be conscious of our consciousness. We can think about what we think. And we can choose to act or not act. We can think about ourselves, our strengths, our weaknesses, our likes, our dislikes, our prejudices, our fears, our insecurities, our wisdom and our lack thereof. In essence, we can have a conscious relationship with ourselves. We can make choices and we are ALWAYS accountable for those choices, even when those choices are made from a less than a conscious space. 

If we fail to examine self, we are simply a product of our socialization process. We never rise above the generation of before us and thereby repeat the “sins” of our fathers. Self-examination allows us to evolve and to transform, which I believe we must do. As a species we were meant to evolve physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

As we examine ourselves we come to realize that the intelligence that created the universe is the same intelligence that created you. You are nature and nature is you. The intelligence of nature is the same intelligence that is in you.

One important key to unlocking that intelligence is through the observation of emotion. Nature created within us the ability of emotion that we might understand our relationship to all “other” things, even though we ourselves can never be the “other”.

While all things are conscious to some degree, we as a species can activate by studying, by meditating, and by communicating with our hearts, a deeper or brighter consciousness of purpose. Most human beings have at some level, a desire to know of their unique purpose in mortality. This purpose can be discovered as one observes self in relationships. Relationships are our primary teachers about what it means to be us. Every relationship measures back to us some essence about us. All things we see “out there” are in reality within us.

Healing & Politics

In the time of political elections there is so much attacking and blaming for the ills that beset us. It is always "someone else's fault" and "I am the one to make it better" -- promise's go unfulfilled and leave us feeling betrayed and bitter. For many disillusionment sets in, eventually apathy takes over. The cycle is one that keeps exactly the same process going. Truly the example of insanity, "doing the same thing expecting different results."

So many of these women and men genuinely want to make a difference and then when faced with a difficult choice cave into their egos of being right and sell their 'souls' to the party. The party by definition has no soul but is governed by the collective agenda of being right to preserve the party, not necessarily for solving the problems we have. The party in power cannot afford to recognize the goodness in the other even though doing so would resolve so much. But that would mean we must have been wrong which cannot be admitted or acknowledged. For progress sake we must be able to admit that we may be wrong and search for an alternative. And we must acknowledge that we are incomplete without the ones who point out our shortfalls.

The Healing Process

The healing process is just that, a process. I believe it always occurs beneath the surface of consciousness. It goes on without us being consciously aware of it. Rumi, in his wonderful poem describes it the best for me.
        

What you have Despised in Yourself

They are here with us now

Those who saddle a new unbroken colt

Every morning and ride the seven levels of sky,

Who  lay down at night

                                                       With the sun and moon for pillows.
 

Each of these fish has a Jonah inside.

They sweeten the bitter sea.

They shape-shift the mountains,

                                              But with their actions neither bless nor curse.

They are more obvious,

And yet more secret than that.

Mix grains from the ground they walk

With streamwater. Put that salve

On your eyes and you will see

What you have despised in yourself

As a thorn opens into a rose.

Rumi

Healing is natural. It is very much a part of nature. We make a big consciousness error when we believe we are separate from nature. We are nature. The same intelligence that created the universe is the same intelligence that created all the varieties in the universes, including us. The traditional Native Americans had it right, when they said the earth does not belong to us, we belong to the earth.

In nature, change occurs often times very quietly and without a lot of notice. One day we look up and see the fall colors and say, "when did that happen?" Obvious, but very discrete. When we practice mindfulness in our daily lives we are more aware of the changes but we still don't see the change itself. We see the result of the changes. And each change brings with it a new gift or opportunity. Something dies, something is born, the great cycle of life.

None of us like the thought or the experience of losing something we love and value.  When we have something we love we want the love object to be permanent even when we know it is not. The love can be eternal the love object is temporal therefore subject the forces of nature. When we lose something that loss creates a wound. The wound creates an opportunity for a gift. Healing is the process of finding the gift of the wound. Time and perspective are the two variables that allow that to occur. Of the two elements, I believe perspective to be the most important. Many have been wounded and have found no peace, no internal comfort even after many years. The mind has the powerful ability to distort time, sometimes for good, sometimes to our detriment. When one focuses on time it seems to almost stop, when one slips into unity consciousness, there is no time. There is only perfect peace and joy. The ROSE.

May you have peace and joy.

Purple Flowers

I was up in the mountains over the weekend with one of my boys and his son. I saw some incredible fall colors. As I was looking, I saw a small purple flower that touched my heart, withstanding the cold. I think love is nature’s most brilliant flower. It needs constant nurturing but there is nothing more powerful than that beautiful flower.

Thinking of all my beautiful flowers this morning and letting my heart be full.

Have a wonderful day.

Healing, Harmony & Relationships

Healing is defined as finding the “harmony within self, between others and harmony with the earth”. When we are in harmony we find peace within. Harmony is difficult to keep because the relationships of our lives are dynamic. That is they are always in motion. There is no life in things that are stagnate. 

The reason to leave relationships is so that one can go on growing emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Relationships that have a pattern of invalidation probably should be left. Even enlightened people who are living in a toxic environment with no change, will suffer the effects of the toxicity. Having the courage to say I am valuable and I deserve to be valued is an amazing gift. 

Relationships are the only place that gives us opportunity to heal, whether it be with self, others or our Higher Power or God. Disharmony creates pain and illness. While change is painful, it is also necessary because it is the truth of the universe. Anything that doesn’t change has no vitality.

The wounds originally came from being separated from our source of nurturance and love. It comes because we have to grow and not being separated originally (birth process) would have destroyed us and our host (mother). While that physical separateness is necessary, we are still connected emotionally and spiritually. This is the great paradox, how can we be  separate and connected at the same time? We must be separate to honor our uniqueness but loved, to nurture our growth. Being loved unconditionally resolves the paradox, in fact it is the only resolution possible. The wound is always a wound of being disapproved of by the love source that we value. The irony is that as we come to love our selves unconditionally, we invite others to love us, not to complete us but to add upon the love that is already there. We must overcome the disapproval virus that has infected us, the irony of this is that we must let others disapprove of us without being defined by it. That requires a deep spiritual love of self, knowing we are truly a child of God. This is the knowledge of the heart.

Please know my dear you are loved and loving.

My Thoughts About:

Enthusiasm 
Enthusiasm comes from the Greek enthousianmor, to infuse a divine spirit.
When one is enthused one see the world through new eyes. Eyes that may have been present for thousands of years-but are seen in fresh new dimensions. When one feels enthusiastic one feels connected to the world through mind, body and spirit. One sees what is possible through this connection and brings the dream into reality. Enthusiasm is contagious-it spreads from one entity to another until all feel the energy. It is an infusion of the divine spirit of all the creations because all creations are divine.

Play

Play is that part if us that balances out the functions of work. While it is no more joyous than work, it restores us to balance. It allows us the miracle of keeping the wonder-child alive in us. Play is often the reward for doing some arduous task. It is the function that keeps us connected to the joyful side of life. It allows us to forget our pain for a time and lets us know that pain can be transcended. Play allows us the freedom to be spontaneous, to laugh and to allow the foolish side of us to be. Play is as necessary as work-while work is productive-play is the reward offered to those who produce.

Tenderness

Tenderness is that quality that connects us the fragileness’ of life. When we understand that all life is sacred then there is nothing in this life that does not matter. All thought, feelings and behaviors matter. When we are tender we realize this connection is the source of all joy and happiness. When we are tender we realize our vulnerability and it is through this vulnerability that we are able to receive and to give our full measure of love. We are all like the young tender plant, strong enough to push through the concrete yet fragile enough to be crushed between two fingers. Tender touch reminds us of our divine nature and the connection we have to all living things.

 

Strength

Strength is that quality that enables us to do the right thing at the right time. It does not always relate to physical abilities. It more often relates to the knowledge of who you are and how you relate to the world around you. Strength comes from being emotionally connected to your self so that you live your truth when others are relying on external realities for the meaning placed on any given event. Strength has an enduring quality about it, it stands the test of time. Strength is that quality that allows one to live one’s truth under all circumstances. Strength does not mean that ego needs are put first but it does recognize that one has needs and these needs are taken into account when making difficult decisions, along with all others. Strength recognizes that unity and harmony are cords that bind us all. True strength comes from the ability to love unconditionally and that love is the only legitimate power in the universe.

Healing vs. Curing

September 16, 2012 Sunday

Some twenty five years ago a young woman was referred to me because she was “depressed.” That was the reason given by the referring physician. She also had an inoperable malignant brain tumor. This young lady had just gotten married and was starting a new chapter in her life. As I worked with her I witnessed such grace and dignity as she faced one challenge after another. She eventually came to accept the inevitable and had a transcendent peace within her. Her husband however, never was able to accept her inevitable death. As you may imagine his world of hopes and dreams were shattered by her diagnosis and prognosis. After science failed her he wanted to try everything possible. With each new rumor of a miracle cure he latched onto it and wanted her to try it. She was calm and resigned, he wasn’t. Much like him, I did not want to admit that death was inevitable even though in my heart I knew it to be so. I was seeing death as failure. That perception kept me from being present. Her husband’s grief and anxiety kept him from being present. In the end, I think we both failed her. 

I have come from that time to understand that being present is very much part of the healing process. Life is sacred and most people do not want to die, but death comes to us all and we have not failed because we die. Failure may be that while alive we really never lived.

This young woman and many since have taught me that when one finds a chosen purpose and meaning for life and is in alignment with the soul’s purpose, one has a transcendent joy. Healing truly transcends curing.

Our mortality brings us face to face with our own vulnerability. As we accept our vulnerability we are able to love more, see more, and be more present for self and others. Vulnerability allows us to love without condition and to accept love as it is given. I believe as we surrender we allow the angels to support us through every experience of mortality.  

Militant Healing

Why militant? 

The word is usually associated with military, violence, and domination of a person, group or territory by someone or a group that is committed to a particular cause. Militant implies commitment to a cause that usually is bigger than the individual or group. The word militant has come to have a negative connotation because of what is happening in the world today. The news is full of examples where one group is attempting to make a point with its militancy.  People are willing to die for a cause that is bigger than them. In my upcoming book (and through this blog), I am going to encourage people to bring that same kind of passion and commitment to a healing cause.  That cause is to heal their lives physically, emotionally and spiritually.